a withering rose; 4/16/16

when everything’s moving too quick to process and your hands won’t stop shaking and you need to scream and shout and let it all out but you can’t because you’re sitting in the middle of people who seem to stay composed and know whatever in the world they’re doing and you feel the necessity to stay in this facade because it makes things ironically easier and it doesn’t hold you explicitly vulnerable but you’re really crumbling and your vision is blurry both literally and metaphorically and your heart’s racing and your insecurity is rising exponentially because nothing seems to be going your way and you’re losing this value of trust in everyone and anything just because of it and you hate feeling this way and you just want it all to be done, you need to run from this state of negativity. 

but how do you do that when you know that needs to be done and you’ve given advice to tons of people when they felt the same way but you’re not even half way there and you’ve tried everything you could and you just want to give up and run away? 

when you’re trying and trying and trying and you can’t do anymore unless you physically exhaust yourself to mimic something that processes like a machine and you feel guilty for those emotional breaks you take only to make sure you’re not stuck in this downward spiral you’re currently in but you’re in anyways, you really don’t know what to do. 

but you know you’ll be able to get some help if you reached out but you really can’t because over time you’ve stepped into this converse universe from your past in which you just can’t connect to anyone anymore so all those feelings are just trapped inside, as that once red rose of spirit is weakening and withering by the day. 

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