Too feisty, confident, sassy is how I come across as during an argument – sometimes in a positive connotation and sometimes otherwise.
Or during a heated emotional argument, I may come across as someone who doesn’t give 2 coins to what the other may say – strong and partially emotionless.
But when I storm into my room to wash my face afterwards, the water rinses out the placed composure. I sit back in silence to look at my ceiling and replay the words again and again and again and again.
I pass through 3 stages, of different intensities.
Constant telecasting of what had happened in my mental cerebrum on repeat to digest every single detail.
Getting angrier with time thinking of what had happened.
And then, the stage that lasts the longest – self-blaming myself for what I may have done and victimizing myself to the things they may have said.
To put down simply, I’m sensitive.
Regardless of whether I tell the other or not, or display the same in front of all the strong self, I’m constantly affected by a either a silly or a level 20 argument. It’s like self-destruction, when you begin to believe you were the root cause to every problem or when you believe the negative things people might say about you or typically, in most cases, when you begin to believe you were all wrong in the way you posed or came through the argument.
It happened today with one of my best friends, and I pushed it away. Because for once, I think I’m doing what’s right for the long run. I did end up feeling as though I may have come across too harsh and ended up calling them. Only to fall back into an argument.
Which is exactly when I need to ensure the sass lies above the sensitivity for a longer period of time – even when I’m alone – to make sure I don’t go into those cycles of mentally hurting myself.
And this sensitive self is definitely a side most people don’t know about me, since it hides behind layers and years of building an impregnable exterior, when reality holds the fact that every word and action only breaks the glass it stands against.
Inspired by <a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/a-mystery-wrapped-in-an-enigma/”>A Mystery Wrapped in an Enigma</a>