Senioritis and Transition

Although I finished all my internal assignments required for IB back in mid-February, I’d say that they were ready to be wrapped up along with every detailed touch and so forth about two weeks ago. Right around the time I got into UCLA.

Now ever since late February, I told myself to get geared up and start studying for IB exams. Even though I got into college, I still did work 2 years continuously putting in my all, and I do want to see the same reflected in my diploma. Although the constant though penetrated through my mind, I look back now to see all those evenings after school be spent on nap time or catching up on everything I’ve been missing over the months on YouTube or otherwise. Just when I thought senioritis was still not in grand effect because nevertheless I was still working on those touch ups through the weeks, March 21st happened and one of my two top colleges had accepted me.

Yeah, now that started senioritis.

I didn’t realize it then, but I spent every day from then to the 27th falling in love with UCLA – forgetting about IB and telling myself that I still had time. And then the 27th hit, and as senioritis hit harder because I literally entered my dream. So for the past week up until yesterday, I spent pretty much 80% of my time on my personal Cloud 9. And although one certain thought was passing my head throughout the time, it really struck out to me yesterday.

I was at home and I printed out a Berkeley sticker for my binder, in which I trap all my notes. I stuck it on the file, and I looked at it for a good 2 minutes. Pride flushed through, but then so did fright.

For the past 2 weeks, I’ve been worrying about whether I could survive at LA or Berk – whether I’ll be able to cope up with the rigor or whether it’s too academically stimulated for myself. But honestly, I’ve done it for the past 2 years. IB is considered one of the most rigorous courses, that’s supposed to make you pee in your pants – but anyone who asks, I tell them different – that all it takes is proper planning and a mind that steers you into focus constantly.

So looking at that sticker on the file full of notes, I zoomed myself perhaps walking into Doe Library with the same file, studying for a mid term. The same me, the same kind of paper, a different environment.

UCB is going to be the next IB. People have been telling me that it’s one of the most difficult universities to survive at. That’s what I heard about IB. Now I’m not placing them at the same level, no. All I’m trying to say is that nothing is impossible and all that takes to conquer your grades is in your hands.

And again, staring at that file, I asked myself: What happened to those work ethics that UCB must’ve seen in you? What happened to those 2 years of work that you constantly put in to get your dream? Why are you scared about surviving at Berkeley when you should be scared about your exams that start in a week? How do you expect yourself to not procrastinate or not fall into a trap of desires when you’re doing it right now?

And that really got to me, in just a few seconds.

Because I thought I was going to look at this time for preparing for my exams are gearing up for college. I was going to start morphing this feeling of senioritis into a test for how much I can really push myself and stay consistently focused. Keeping the same mind since yesterday, I’ve honestly studied cumulatively studied more than I have in the last few weeks put together.

This is the last test I can give myself until the first day of college. That core Type A personality kicked in once again, and here I go back to open that binder, which holds not just my notes to prep up for the upcoming trials but also, what is going to challenge my will power for the next few weeks.

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