Call me rather short-sighted, but I constantly used to wonder why depression transpired in teenagers who were privileged to be a part of a healthy and happy family, and financially and socially well off. Although a Psychology student who understands that there exist biological correlates to a syndrome such as depression, I was never fully able to be convinced. I thought that depression could only be truly justified for the people who outwardly seemed to be disposed to it, but not for people who were surrounded by happiness.
I was clearly wrong.
Insecurity is my strongest weakness; it’s most definitely what makes my rather, comparatively stronger life crimple down. I can’t ever seem to tell myself that I’m enough, and I need to be better – be it in terms of my acads or otherwise in deeper or of more superfluous aspects.
See, this is where the analogy to depression falls in. I may not be someone who seems to be pre-disposed to feeling insecure about herself in everyway. In fact, to an outsider, I don’t really have too much of a reason to feel this way. And even speaking on an inter-personal level, I come across as someone who’s cheerful and bubbly on the outside, where rather rude remarks may not hit me hard; trust me, they stab me.
Some people say some kinds of depression are rather chronic; when you’ve got it once, there’s higher chances of relapsing even after getting better. I’m still 17, so I wouldn’t know; but I really do not know what I can do to make my insecurity vanish. I’m constantly surrounded by bubbles that convince me that I’m never going to be as smart, as successful, as beautiful or as talented.
But in a way, this insecurity leads to my constant rush to attaining perfection. Good or bad, that’s for the other to decide. All I believe is that perfect or not, what’s important is feeling like you did enough.
Insecurity only pushes you back into the vicious cycle.
Coming back to how I started this, I realized it’s important to place importance every other waking moment that we all have our stories. Just like you can’t judge the movie based on its poster, two things come in play: one, you can’t break down the psyche of a person based on what you think you completely know, true or false and two, we all have different abilities of inner strength.