It’s been a while, and two more scrolls of college acceptances have been received. It really feels great that a college out there wants you out of so many of their applicants, and I can’t help but feel absolutely honored. But with March rolling in, with scrolls that matter even more about to be delivered, my insecurity is rolling yet at another peak. But then I remind myself, that even in the worst of worst situations of what may come this next month, I still have Chapel Hill to run to – which is truly a dream come true.
And because I started off with talking about college, this is going to start extremely hypocritical – but I have ready my justification for what is to be argued. You see, I’m sick of people talking about college – comparatively. Don’t worry about where he’s going or she’s going or where that kid in the other block is going. Don’t get mad because you have a few higher points in the SAT, yet you got rejected over him. Don’t justify your rejection by saying you applied for a “harder major”. When you do get a letter that’s not in your favor, don’t blame the college or your counsellor or someone else; it was you. It was either fate, or you weren’t good enough. And I’m tired of hearing how people think they didn’t get something they “deserved” because they worked hard “enough”. How do you know how much is enough, and how do you know what you truly deserve? There’s probably thousands of kids out there working nights and beyond, while I’m watching television. Now, don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying don’t feel the freedom to have fun. All I’m trying to say is that, don’t give yourself your own measure of what you deserve. Because I may tell myself that I worked hard enough to get to College X, but when someone else who’s worked 10x harder or has a special talent that I may not have looks at me, they’ll know the reason. Because trust me, it’s either just your fate/luck or more likely, you just didn’t have something that the university was looking for. That’s not a bad thing mind you, it’s just it wasn’t your home. So stop claiming a place is your home, when clearly you haven’t ever lived there. Now, coming back to the hypocritical justification of mine. I think everyone is pledged to feel that sense of worry or that intimidation of whether or not you’re going to get into a school. But stop comparing! Don’t look at your numbers against hers; don’t peek into his transcript and feel a sense of authority or panic. It’s not all in the numbers; I’ve seen it first-hand. Think of your dreams, your path in the long-run. And now, feel that feeling again.
And hey, don’t make it all about college. College, like I said before, is only our next home for 4 years. It’s not our forever and it’s not going to rank me as a person. And please, stop making all our conversations about college. I mean sure, it’s the biggest thing of senior talk, but the only thing?
And hey Bob, this is probably one of the so many thing that make me feel drifted.
It hasn’t been the same for a while. I don’t feel the magic, I don’t feel the passion. I don’t know if I’m in it for the past, or because I don’t want to wreck the future. I don’t know if I’m in it for it, or because I’m dependent now. I don’t agree with the things you do. Compromises are only getting more and more. It doesn’t feel any different when we don’t converse for a long time. I don’t have any answers; I think I do, but I think I’m too scared to acknowledge them. Because as much as I don’t know, I know I still feel. But are these feelings strong enough to keep going, I don’t know.
Oh on another note, haven’t done much this weekend (I don’t really have anything to do anyways except some citations in my assignments), except go to Starbucks twice with family, hit the mall, watch movies with parents, have dinner to celebrate the arrival of a scroll, a family get-together at home, watch Cricket with family and be experienced to my Dad throwing club soda in my hair because I called him a bad-luck charm. So you know what? I guess I have done much. Because at the end of the day, family will always be greater than anything to come. I think my list of priorities is set to family, and then work, and then come in the friends. Which is why I don’t really go out much in general, and my procrastination levels have gone down to an all-time low. And I haven’t been more proud than ever.
I’m sorry this post is off of the typical blog style, and sort of all over. Just a few things ringing straight off on top of my cerebrum.