So Far Away

So with every passing day, every person in my grade seems to be getting into college. I haven’t ever felt a strong mix of emotions as I do in this season – feelings of pride for these kids, feelings of happiness, feelings of mild jealousy and feelings of insecurity.

Congratulations X on your admission into College Y!”

And there goes B with his 3rd admission with an insane scholarship to College P!” 

Good news guys! Our very own Z is now a part of Class of 2019 at University D!” 

I smile and click on that little white thumbs-up icon to like the post. Everyone seems to be getting in to the places of their dreams. A feeling of anxiety bubbles within.

What about me? I know I don’t have letters rolling in for a while, but waiting is really getting to me. What if my college list isn’t balanced enough? What if colleges don’t see who I really am? 

More what ifs begin to cloud my mind.

I’ll accept it.

I’m scared.

I’ve done all I can. I’ve performed to the apex of my potential. I’ve reeled out every tool out of my arsenal of talents to discover myself and reflect each discovery to college. I haven’t cheated my way to success, I haven’t been a bad person; everyone tells me I’m going to be just okay.

And I hope they’re right.

Because while I tell most of my friends who’re equally, naturally scared or dejected that college isn’t the end of it, it definitely is one of the most biggest and important changes of your life. College is the beginning of taking a new, fresh path in our journeys. My parents had invested so much time and money in my education; I’ve spent the last years doing all I can to keep them proud; there’s hopes and dreams held on my back. The least I can do is return the favor by spending the next four years in a place to groom myself and my future with the best resources.

Like I said, just thinking out loud, I’ve done what I can. And now it’s in the hands of the admission officers, karma and where fate thinks I’m destined to go.

Because while the college I want to commit myself to is a college that I’ve dreamt about, that isn’t the only factor in cue. The possibility of excelling in the kind of crowd existing at the college, research opportunities, location, climate, internship opportunities, social life and a place where you can develop yourself to a strong psych, are only few of the other decisive factors.

At the end of the day, two things matter to me the most: the proud smile on my parents faces and my mission to find my purpose.

I’ll be happy wherever I go as long as I move forward in this same journey.

Few weeks to go, for the wait to come to an end.

So far away, yet so close.

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