So Far Away

So with every passing day, every person in my grade seems to be getting into college. I haven’t ever felt a strong mix of emotions as I do in this season – feelings of pride for these kids, feelings of happiness, feelings of mild jealousy and feelings of insecurity.

Congratulations X on your admission into College Y!”

And there goes B with his 3rd admission with an insane scholarship to College P!” 

Good news guys! Our very own Z is now a part of Class of 2019 at University D!” 

I smile and click on that little white thumbs-up icon to like the post. Everyone seems to be getting in to the places of their dreams. A feeling of anxiety bubbles within.

What about me? I know I don’t have letters rolling in for a while, but waiting is really getting to me. What if my college list isn’t balanced enough? What if colleges don’t see who I really am? 

More what ifs begin to cloud my mind.

I’ll accept it.

I’m scared.

I’ve done all I can. I’ve performed to the apex of my potential. I’ve reeled out every tool out of my arsenal of talents to discover myself and reflect each discovery to college. I haven’t cheated my way to success, I haven’t been a bad person; everyone tells me I’m going to be just okay.

And I hope they’re right.

Because while I tell most of my friends who’re equally, naturally scared or dejected that college isn’t the end of it, it definitely is one of the most biggest and important changes of your life. College is the beginning of taking a new, fresh path in our journeys. My parents had invested so much time and money in my education; I’ve spent the last years doing all I can to keep them proud; there’s hopes and dreams held on my back. The least I can do is return the favor by spending the next four years in a place to groom myself and my future with the best resources.

Like I said, just thinking out loud, I’ve done what I can. And now it’s in the hands of the admission officers, karma and where fate thinks I’m destined to go.

Because while the college I want to commit myself to is a college that I’ve dreamt about, that isn’t the only factor in cue. The possibility of excelling in the kind of crowd existing at the college, research opportunities, location, climate, internship opportunities, social life and a place where you can develop yourself to a strong psych, are only few of the other decisive factors.

At the end of the day, two things matter to me the most: the proud smile on my parents faces and my mission to find my purpose.

I’ll be happy wherever I go as long as I move forward in this same journey.

Few weeks to go, for the wait to come to an end.

So far away, yet so close.

Don’t Tear Me Apart, Please

We all belong to several worlds at once – the school circle, the childhood buddy world, the high school friends group, the world of our first love, the parent circle, the world of our Guru and the worlds of our independent passions are only some of the ones I’m a habitant of. Some work together, some intertwine, some are incompatible.

A few months ago, when I had allowed two of my most important worlds to collide, I thought I was making a decision for the better. No more lies, no more hesitations. But little did I know that this was only going to lead to more misunderstandings, more misinterpretations.

I’m a mature teenager; I’m not saying it in the unsteady haze of adolescence, where I stubbornly believe all my hasty decisions are right. It’s just I believe so because I have extremely high moral standards for myself, from no alcohol to no drugs to the no sex policy until I find the one. I’m not going to let them break any time soon. I know so.

So because that’s out of the question, shouldn’t the main goal be belonging in a place that makes me feel the happiest? I’m the happiest feeling like a princess in both my favorite worlds.

But what am I expected to do if the older, more important world detests my belonging in the younger, yet passionate world?

It’s a clash of thoughts because the older world doesn’t understand the younger world.

The older one claims my belonging in the younger one is only because of my wild age.

But no, it isn’t.

No, instead, it makes me feel alive, it makes me feel like a whole, it makes me happy.

To kick away the younger world, the one which makes me feel just right, to make things easier with the older world, is going to be hard.

So very hard.

But if that’s what it’s come down to, I guess I’m always going to live with that ‘What if?’

Trapped Creativity in Virtual Reality

Sometimes when I scroll down my Tumblr feed, I think to myself: what is even the point of this? Re-blogging pictures to achieve what?

But every time, I’m left with that one or two pictures which leave me thinking.

It could be a picture of the latest world event, or a picture of a new addition into the Kardashian family which leaves me deeply analyzing the association between birth and success or just a picture of Italy, to add on to my bucket list of places to visit.

And of course, I’m often reminded of the positive immaturity reflected off of this site in articles like this.

I read that, and laughed at every picture.

But it didn’t stop with a mere laugh at the end, it ended with me thinking about how much of creativity and thinking out of the box skills are within our crowd. So much of ingenuity, so much of originality, so much of individuality.

So many unique identities.

That’s the best part about Tumblr.

All these people get on to one forum to share pictures of what they think defines them. You learn, you pick things up, you discover.

And frame your own little identity in this virtual world.

The site seems superfluous, but it’s really not.

Deep within, there lies an abstract world.

One Word At A Time

Somewhere in America. 

Three words.

I watched this video about two days ago and saying that I watched it about 20 times since then would be an understatement.

Three words.

So powerful.

It’s amazing really, how powerful these words are. I ended up listening to several other spoken poetry videos, and I was stunned by their perfect capability to mix the right batter of sarcasm, written word, inspiration and sass to their messages.

Young, fresh and intense – the power of their words is symbolic to the power of our youth today.

We live in an age of change; for the better or worse, that lies in our hands.

And while people say, awareness isn’t just about spreading word, its about taking action.

The first step starts right here.

Using your voice as the most powerful tool, to inspire people to make change; its called passive action.

And sometimes, all it takes is three words.