Battleground

I walk down to the banks of the river with my trembling legs as I fall to the ground. I look at my reflection in the stagnant waters; to have a seemingly permanent smile on my face on the exterior. I blink, take a deep breath and splash water on my face as I look back at my reflection.

 

Disorientated.

Shattered.

Broken.

 

My true self is different. I seem to be poised and mentally stable. A girl who doesn’t take pressure to the heart, and pleases everyone along the way.

 

But reality isn’t ever what it seems.

 

Real colors begin to paint my image, when I have to leave the materialistic world, judged by appearances and the numbers I score. I stop and sigh more than many times, to convince to myself that I’m doing okay. That I’m still on track and still close to being as perfect as can be.

 

But that’s when I flash reality.

 

No, I’m scared of what’s to come.

I’m terrified of my flaws.

I’m petrified to face failure.

 

I’m a girl, lost in her own little obstacle course she constructed for herself.

 

She’s lost.

She’s insecure.

She’s waiting.

 

School only seems to be pouring down work over work. But school isn’t really problem. With proper organization and no procrastination, she’s on her way to do great. It’s the other ties; college is coming closer. Applications are on a deadline. Questions about “her numbers” seem to pop up every now and then. Family seems to deal with her frustrated self; they don’t seem entirely happy, but they’re coping along adjustment lines. She’s not happy, she feels like she’s a contributor to destruction.

 

But is she?

No, people tell her different.

But does what people say really matter, when she doesn’t believe?

 

Stuck in the battle within herself,

She looks in to the water one last time.

That shattered image begins to halt its destruction pace.

She stops before she can let it settle.

And off she goes, still trembling off to the battleground.

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